Whoever invented the knock knock joke deserves a no bell prize
- persephone: i really can't stay
- hades: but baby it's cold outside
I NEED TO HAVE SEX RIGHT NOW LIKE RIGHT NOW WHY IS NOBODY HAVING SEX WITH ME
*hands u a bible*
MY URL IS LITERALLY CUTEJEWISHGIRL TRY AGAIN
*hands u a dreidel*
Of course it is.
ALL BITCHES THIS IS MY HOME TOWN TAKE A FUCKING SEAT WHILE I TELL YOU THIS STORY. GET A BOWL OF POPCORN BECAUSE THIS SHIT IS DOPE
IN THE 1940’S PORTLAND WAS PUTTING IN LAMPPOSTS AND FOR WHATEVER GOD DAMN REASON THIS ONE NEVER GOT FILLED.
IN 1946, DICK FAGAN, AN AMERICAN IRISHMAN WHO WROTE FOR THE OREGON JOURNAL, GOT BLOODY FUCKING BORED AT HIS JOB AND WOULD LOOK OUT HIS WINDOW ONTO THIS SAD EXCUSE FOR ROAD CONSTRUCTION HOLE. ONE DAY HE SAID “FUCK THIS” AND PLANTED SOME FLOWERS.
HE WROTE ABOUT THIS NEW FUCKING PARK AND SPOKE ABOUT HOW LEPRECHAUNS LIVED THERE AND SHIT. MOTHERFUCKING LEPRECHAUNS IN THE MIDDLE OF DOWNTOWN, WHAT THE SHIT.
HOLD ONTO TO THE EDGE OF YOUR SEATS BECAUSE THIS RIDE GETS EVEN BETTER. THIS PARK HOLDS A GUINNESS WORLD RECORD FOR BEING THE SMALLEST PARK WITH WITH INFORMATION SAYING “It was designated as a city park on 17 March 1948 at the behest of the city journalist Dick Fagan (USA) for snail races and as a colony for leprechauns”. MOTHER. FUCKING. SNAIL RACES. BITCHES.
IT’S EVEN BEEN PIMPED OUT OVER THE YEARS
HO HO HO MOTHERFUCKS WE CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS HERE
WE CARE ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT.
THE BEST PART IS THAT IT EVEN HAD OCCUPY PORTLAND PROTESTERS
SO I HOPE YOU FUCKING LEARNED SOMETHING TODAY ABOUT TINY ASS PARKS.
plot twist: santa actually brings you the naked celebrity you asked for and you have to awkwardly unwrap them in front of your entire family
WHEN BOYS WEAR BUTTON UPS BUT ROLL THE SLEEVES TO THEIR ELBOWS
i had no idea girls thought this was attractive
excuse me while i never wear my sleeves all the way down again
signal boost, every boy must see this post, we must raise awareness
How did boys not know this are you blind
BONUS POINTS IF IT’S THE WHITE SHIRT.
Admit it, the first thing we’d all do if we woke up gender swapped is masturbate.
I would pay money and make popcorn just to watch some of the men I’ve known in my life masturbate after being genderswapped. Not for any erotic reasons, just to see if they could even figure out how.
"wait, so which hole- what the hell- how do- *breaks down crying*"
"OW THAT DOESN’T FEEL GOOD!"
"You think?" *Eats popcorn*